Something Beautiful

23 years ago today

2012-02-09T19:09:00.003-06:00

Today is Steve's birthday.

I really like this day because you see it brought the boy I fell in love with.

So happy birthday Steve

I hope your day is perfect.

I love you.

Cry Fest 2012

2012-02-09T19:05:00.000-06:00

OH my goodness. The past two days have been the worst. The. Worst. I don't want to go into all the dramatic detail but let's just say I have cried more in the past 2 days than I have in MONTHS. Which is maybe why I cried so much, there was too many stored up tears, when one fell, they ALL fell. I am a firm believer that sometimes you just need to cry. But I am NOT a firm believer that you need to full on break down over something that, yes was upsetting, but does not warrant a cry fest on the phone to your mom. But, regardless, that is what happened. Luckily, these days do end, and the next day or even the next hours look a little brighter.

Eating more, eating right and the rest of my week

2012-02-04T11:00:00.000-06:00

So this last week has been kind of a rough one.Me and Steve got back from Michigan on Monday night (a post on that trip will be coming soon). Coming back to reality after vacation is never fun. We had gotten spoiled by getting to be together all the time for those 5 days and neither one of us were very excited about going back to sporadically seeing each other for a few hours here and there.

On Thursday night a dad called into the school where I work and proceeded to YELL at me because I didn't know what class his daughter was in and whether or not she made it to school safely (WHAT?! This is a college, not a babysitting service) He yelled and yelled and insulted me and cussed and yelled until he made me cry and then he hung up. Rude, so incredibly rude. I get a lot of angry parents on the phone who take our their frustrations on me and usually I can handle it, but Thursday it got to me and I cried for the first time at work. Stupid mean man.

Tuesday night I was walking into my house after work and all of a sudden got really hot and light headed, my vision got spotty and my hearing muffled. You know that feeling right before you're going to pass out? Ya, that one, just hit me. I made it to my room and laid on my bed but the feeling didn't pass. I was getting hot and then cold and I was really weak and my hands were shaking a lot. It was pretty scary actually. I had felt fine all day and then BAM my body freaked. out. So after calling my mom ( cause momma always knows best) I called Steve and he came over with all kinds of food to help get my blood sugar back up. We all assumed for some reason my blood sugar just dropped. We finally got my shaking under control and I fell asleep. The next morning I felt better but my hands were still shaking. As the day went on and the more I ate, the shaking went away. I felt better, but was still freaked out as to why my body had a little melt down out of nowhere.

Well it turns out it wasn't out of nowhere. That day I had a salad and a bag of Chex Mix to eat all day, that was it. I had also done a pretty good workout. I hadn't given my body what it needed, and not just for that one day. Apparently I had depriving my body of the amount of food it needed for quite some time. Sure I ate everyday and it was usually healthy, but I never ate much. I've never been one to eat a lot and not to mention money is tight so there isn't always an abundance of food choices around the house. I guess it finally caught up to me. Steve is pretty big on health stuff so you can bet I got a lecture on how much I was eating (in the most loving way possible of course), He calculated how many calories I need daily which is about 1900 (that seems like A LOT to me) Tuesday I had probably gotten 500 calories, max, so it's not wonder my body freaked.

Me and Steve made a deal that we would both start eating more and eating right. Neither one of us have done a good job of that lately and while at the moment it might not seem like that big of a deal in the long run it can cause all kinds of health problems and apparently I'm a little more sensitive to it than I thought. We have promised to eat out less in order to have money to always have food in our houses and to no longer skip meals.. I've eaten breakfast everyday (something I NEVER did) and have had 3 real meals with some healthy snacking in between. Granted it's only been 2 days, but hey you gotta start somewhere right? I definitely don't want a repeat of the other night, so here's to eating...a lot....

But the weekend is finally here and that means lots of uninterrupted time of hanging out with my guy, cooking delicious homemade meals, watching movies, only leaving the couch when absolutely necessary and of course on Sunday watching the Super Bowl with all of my favorite people. Hallelujah.

Up North

2012-01-26T06:20:00.000-06:00

Headed to Michigan this morning with my guy. Gonna meet the family and friends. He's playing at a youth retreat and asked me to come along. Should be a great trip. It is also going to be FREEZING up there. I'll have an update when I return....if I survive the cold...

Re-focusing

2012-01-21T10:19:00.000-06:00

I made a decision this last weekend.
For the past year I have felt semi lost. I haven't known what to do with myself. My dream of working in the music business seemed to have faded and I had no idea what I wanted to do instead. And I thought I needed to. That at 23 I needed to have my life figured out, and since I suddenly didn't, I was failing. I felt like a failure, that I had nothing in my life to be proud about, that people looked at me and saw a average, girl with nothing special to offer. I was ashamed, and scared and felt like I was going to be stuck in this passionless, confused, "pointless" life forever. Looking back, all of those feelings were silly, but they were real, and they were overwhelming. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep and not seeing any solution to this problem. I mean, sure I had a great church I loved, I was leading a awesome small group, I had an incredible group of friends and I even eventually got my love life figured out and started dating the most wonderful man. But no, that didn't matter. I didn't have a career, a job I was proud of or loved going to. So I must be failing. Forget the people who are slaves to their jobs/careers that never see their family or have time for friends, forget the people who would give anything to have the support group I had or a boyfriend who treated them the way Steve treats me, or to just feel loved. That's not important. A job, now THAT'S what this life is all about. Right?

Wait...what?!? How twisted and stupid is that logic? It's pretty stupid.

So I decided to stop. To stop obsessing over what the rest of my life was going to look like. What job I was going to have or what new passions were going to rise. It doesn't matter. What I do doesn't matter. It does not define my worth or who I am. I will get it figured out.

Until then, I have decided to make my relationships, the people in my life, my passion. They are what really matters anyway. I want to be the best friend I can be to the wonderful people in my life. I want to call more, to listen more, to be there more. I want them to know without hesitation that no matter what they could count on me to be there, to listen, to care. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be to Steve. I want learn how to love him the best way I can, they way he needs me to. I want to play and laugh and listen and talk and never have him wonder how I feel and to just grow with this wonderful man God has blessed me with. I am one lucky girl and I never want to forget that. I want to be the best daughter/sister/grand daughter I can be. I want to call more, to share with them what is going on in my life, to know what's going on in theirs. I want to be open to and aware of the people around me, whether it be at work or walking down the street, or in a restaurant, I want to see people, to care about them and for that to be known. This is what matters most.

And this is what will be my focus.

2011

2012-01-10T10:51:00.003-06:00

Ok, here we go. A look back at 2011. It was quite a year...there were tears, lots of tears, and laughter and hope and disappointment and friendships gained and friendships lost.

I started mending a broken heart, and had hope for a new start.
I started leading my small group and met the people who would be my best friends and family.

There were nights of tears and fears and doubts and whispers from my Savior of hope and promise

Hopes for new jobs and disappointment and confusion that came with rejection.
Dreams let go of, and trust that new dreams would soon come
Met a group of friends that changed my life

Went to an epic U2 concert

Checked "be in a flash mob" off my bucket list as I danced to Michael Jackson's "Beat It" in the middle of Broadway in downtown Nashville
I started running and both hated and loved it
We moved into a new house and got a wonderful new roommate
I learned a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be but how they are always worth fighting for.
I started dating the boy who had become my best friend.

I fell in love.

And in-between all of that. I lived. I

Photo A Day

2012-01-07T11:01:00.001-06:00

Doing this...I started just doing a photo a day of whatever I wanted, but I like this idea better. Starting on day 7 :) I'll be posting them on Instagram (keisharae87) and twitter.

An almost New Year's post

2012-01-04T17:34:00.002-06:00

I keep meaning to/almost writing, a new years post, a reflection on the last year, and thoughts about the new. But the words keep getting stuck. I know they will unlodge themselves soon and then they will come rushing out. But until then, I sit quietly and think, remember, process, and hope.

Dear 2012

2012-01-02T11:18:00.002-06:00

I found this on a blog that I follow, her name is Kristie, go check it out. She's a beautiful writer. I think it's perfect. Beautiful "resolutions". So here's to 2012. Let's do this thing....

This year I want to be honest, lovingly honest. I want to be myself so deeply that to meet me is to know me, and to read my words is see a bit of my soul. I want to be careful when I need to be, I want to love and protect the person inside while letting her be free; I want her to live life with reckless abandon. I want to stare at all this fear and know I can move forward anyway. I want to be a better friend, remember birthdays, share laughter, discover my voice. I want to enjoy fresh flowers and go on long walks. I want to loose track of time, take pictures, and write it down.

I want to dance, but you already knew that. I want to hear the music and feel the melodies in words, in books, in people, in myself. There must be movement, 2012. I need it. But I also need those sacred weekends for watching too many movies and leaving the bed unmade. I want one long lazy Saturday, nestled between the sheets, enjoying the stillness and knowing I can be completely myself and that is 100% okay. Now that I think about it, I'll take a few of those Saturdays...

I want to give. I want to share with others the joy I have found in loving, in living, in knowing there is something greater, something beyond me that has given me the strength to survive. I want my story to be bigger than just me. I don't know how, but I know there's a way and we can figure it out together. I want to offer hope, and truth, and joy, and give back the blessings I know this year will bring. I know goodness will come, 2012. It's no secret. It's in the cool mornings with warm sunbeams and hot tea, the changing leaves, and simple smiles. It is everywhere, falling into our lives and making the dreary days seem a bit more bearable.

I want to learn, and travel, and discover. I want to work and preferably make money; and if we could find someway to include writing and photography and Europe into that equation you'd be doing me a solid. I promise to work hard and I trust you'll do the same. We've got 12 months to make this all happen. And we'll do it one day at a time.

So cheers to you, 2012!

Life Lately (Photo Heavy)

2011-12-28T22:02:00.000-06:00

-Walks in the park
- My birthday present from Steve (a hidden alarm under my bed that played him singing a happy birthday song he wrote)
- My birthday coffee mug
- Our small group Christmas Party

2011-12-19T10:53:00.001-06:00

Love is hard. This is what I'm learning. It's wonderful and fun and exciting but it changes everything. And yes that may sound like common sense, but there is a difference in "knowing" something and being right in the middle of it. This last week was my first lesson. The first time juggling friends and boy became a problem. The first time I messed up and had to apologize. The first time I didn't walk away from him with a smile on my face. The first time he called to fix things. The first of many I'm sure. Communication is going to be the hardest lesson for me to learn. But learning I am. It's a good thing he's so wonderful and patient.

2011-12-19T10:37:00.003-06:00

I've been gone for a little while. So let's catch up. Life has been so good. This past week there has been multiple Christmas parties with some of my favorite friends in the world, lessons learned, and a Dave Barnes Christmas concert. And this coming week holds fun things as well.

Crazy Stupid love

2011-12-10T09:22:00.001-06:00

So I might be a little late to the party, but I just watched this last night. And I must tell you, I LOVED it. Forget the fact that it has Ryan Gosling in it (ok, don't forget it, cause I mean c'mon, look at him). This movie is wonderful. It's funny, heart-warming, and real. Steve Carell is just as funny as ever and all I want is for Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone is be in love in real life because they are the most adorable thing on the planet.
But seriously, if you haven't seen it, get up right now, go to Redbox and watch it. And then buy it, and watch it everyday for the rest of your life (too much?)

Crazy Beautiful Life

2011-12-08T17:28:00.001-06:00

Man it has been a crazy week. Monday night I ended up being at the ER until around 3 with Steve. He got food poisoning from some chicken he cooked that night. Guys, it was the most horrible thing ever. He threw up about 30 times in like 2 hours ( gross I know). I've never seen any that sick. I surprised myself and handled it fairly well. I always thought I wouldn't be able to handle being around someone who was throwing up. But when it came down to it, it didn't bother me at all. So, go me? Anyway, that's a gross topic, so moving on. He ended up getting an IV so he could get hydrated and some meds to make him stop throwing up and let him sleep. It was a long night. He's still in recovery mode, mostly just tired all of the time. So, send some prayers his way. He goes on the road this weekend to play a couple shows and needs all the energy he can get.

The rest of the week has been doing all I can to take care of him and getting ready for Christmas parties galore. Tonight our small group is putting on a Christmas party/fund raiser for an organization in Africa called Muzungu Mama Ministries (http://www.lightinguganda.com/).It's going to be pretty fancy and today I went and bought myself a new little black dress for the occasion. I'm a little sad Steve will be out of town for the party, but I've been going to parties alone for 23 years I suppose I can go to one more. :)

Life is good. I'm a happy happy girl.

The Fight

2011-12-01T17:17:00.001-06:00

I promise to fight.

I promise to fight the doubts, the questions,

the gripping knot in my stomach

the Fear.

I promise to fight the self doubt,

the sinking feeling every morning that this might be the day it ends.

I know its unwarranted, that I have no reason to feel this way

but sometimes it overwhelms me

But I promise you this.

I will fight it.

With all that I am

Baby I'll fight, if you will.

Happy List

2011-11-21T13:45:00.001-06:00

My list of happy for the day:
1. A church where I constantly leave challenged and refreshed
2. A small group that has become my family. People to do life with, to dig into the word with, to pray with.
3. A warm office to work in on a rainy day
4. A rainy day
5. Texts from a boy that make me laugh out loud
6. My parents come into town TOMORROW for Thanksgiving.
7. Getting to the end of a good book
8. The promise that my house is going to smell delicious
9. Space heaters
10. Being reminded that this life is a gift. Every moment, every job, every relationship, every thing I have is a gift and I am not owed on bit of it, yet God's goodness has blessed me with all of it. For that I am grateful.

{}

2011-11-18T14:06:00.001-06:00

So...there's this boy....

&

he makes me smile....

(it's strange, and yet not strange at all, when your best friend suddenly becomes more.)

So here's to taking a chance.

Hunger Games

2011-11-15T17:17:00.001-06:00

Guys. GUYS! Oh my goodness this is going to be amazing.

2011-11-11T14:32:00.001-06:00

Changes....big changes.

There are butterflies, and smiles and that is a bigger deal than it may seem.

November

2011-11-05T14:30:00.002-05:00

It's November. I love November. Here are some reasons why:
1. The weather is the perfect mixture of warm and cold days
2. The colors of the leaves change, and here in Tennessee, it's gorgeous
3. You can smell fall in the air every time you walk outside
4. Hot drinks and big sweaters
5. Reading by the fire
6. Layers layers layers
7. scarves almost daily
8. Thanksgiving
9. The promise of seeing family
10.Constantly burning fall candles
11. Holiday Themed TV shows
12. Fixing soup for dinner every chance I get
13. The feeling of a fresh start. I don't know what it is about fall but it always seems to hold so much promise.

Drive All Night

2011-10-29T11:25:00.002-05:00

Last night I went to another Needtobreathe show with a few of my favorite people. We road tripped it up to Chattanooga to get another fix. I have seen this band 7 times. I will never sick of seeing them. I think I could see them once a week for the rest of my life and never tire of it.

Needtobreathe puts on a special show. It's the kind of show where you wish you could freeze each moment and relive it over and over. Passion just flows out and every bend of the guitar string is dripping with soul. These boys believe in music, they believe it's powerful and magical and it shows. They move you, they inspire you, because they believe in what they do. They are also the epitome of cool, I think every person in the venue has a crush of every member of the band by the time the show is over. They really are something special. I would strongly encourage you to get to a show if you ever have the chance. You won't regret it (well you might regret how much you fall in love and how instantly obsessed you are, but probably not)

Tounge Tied

2011-10-25T17:09:00.000-05:00

Blond hair

Broad shoulders

Side smile and ice blue eyes

Will be the death of me

I swear

This was fun

2011-10-19T10:47:00.003-05:00

Type these words into your music library and name the first song that appears

Happy: Happy Christmas (War Is Over) - David Story Love: Make You Feel My Love- Adele
Light: All Those Pretty Lights - Andrew Belle
Dark: Dark Hotel- K.S. Rhoads
Good: The Feel Good Drag- Anberlin
Bad: Bad Kids- The Black Lips
Smile: Smile- Stephen Speaks
Cry: Laugh So You Don't Cry -Andy Davis
Girl: Hey Girl- Dashboard Confessional
Boy: My Boy Builds Coffins- Florence and The Machines

2011-10-17T12:10:00.001-05:00

"Why am I afraid to dance, I who love
music and rhythm and grace and song
and laughter? Why am I afraid to live,
I who love life and the beauty of the flesh
and the living colors of the earth and sky
and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who
love love love?"

Eugene O'Neill

"I'm tired of justifying....the fight for you is all I've every known..."

2011-10-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

There is this band.

This one band that I happen to really like

But one that I am always hesitant to listen to

You see they remind me of you

And I'm afraid you'll sneak back in

That through the lyrics and melodies

I'll let my guard down by accident

and you will flood in and take over again

Your name flows through their words, each note

And I can't let you back in

I can't survive it.

So every time I hear their familiar songs on I close my eyes and prepare for you

I fight back memories

I try to focus solely on the music

and sometimes I am not up to the fight

and I simply sigh and change the song

Today though, today I don't mind the battle.

Just Remember

2011-10-11T10:58:00.000-05:00

My small group is doing a 30 day Scripture Challenge as a part of our series as church. Basically we are just committing to dive into the word everyday. It doesn't matter what you read or how much read, just that you read every day. Then we have an e-mail thread and we e-mail each other every day with what we are reading and what we are learning from it. It's been so awesome to not only have that accountability but also to see what everyone is learning and to learn from that as well. To grow together through the scriptures.

Anyway I read Ephesians 1 yesterday and thought I would share what I shared with my small group.

I feel like I am in a funk and a little life crisis. Nothing that everyone doesn't go through, but tough still the same. I feel a little lost in my own life. Like I don't have direction any more. I came to Nashville with such direction. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and the industry I was going to be in. Music. There was no question in my mind that it was going to work out. Well it turns out it's been a little harder than I thought and things just haven't worked out. What I used to be so set on I now have given up on for the time being. The passion that so consumed my life and heart now seems to be burning out. And friends, that's scary. It's scary when what you've planned on doing doesn't happen. You have questions like "Well what do I do now? What can I do now? I don't know how to do anything else. I'm not good at anything else." and even "Who am I? Now that I don't have this thing that I thought would define me, what do I have?" that last question is silly, but it still gets asked. So when I read Ephesians 1 it gave me a huge reminder.

I wish I could just copy and paste the whole thing onto here. But that would be really long, and silly. So I'll just tell you a little about it...

Paul is telling the people about the spiritual blessings they receive in Christ. It starts off by saying "Praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." Every spiritual blessing. That. Is. Cool.

Then he goes on to talk about how God chose us before the beginning of time, how in love he predestined us to be his, to be adopted. How he gave us Christ for forgiveness and redemption, for his pleasure and will. He ends the section by saying: "Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory." I don't know about you guys, but that gives me chills every time.

I needed desperately to be reminded who I am. Whose I am. It's so basic but it's so easy for me to lose sight of. What a miracle it is that God choose me, he predestined my heart to be his. I have been given every spiritual blessing in Christ, in love. I am filled with the Holy Spirit and the power that comes with that. I am God's daughter. There is great purpose in that. No matter what my days are filled with, job wise, relationship wise, I have quite a calling and quite an identity and I need to rest in that.

Lately

2011-10-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

Here are some pics of what life looks like lately:

Wine with Dinner

Sweet time in the Word.

Fun fall outfits and new glasses

INcredible Needtobreathe Secret Show. Swoon

Waiting in line in the rain for the Needtobreathe show. LOVE these girls

Baby girl's second birthday. And her DIGGING into that cupcake. Like a boss

My nieces bring me so much joy

Lyric texts from my dear friend

Tea in my Dallas Texas mug.

Life is sweet

2011-10-08T16:58:00.001-05:00

Things that make me seriously happy:

-restoration of friendships
-OU football
-the chill in the fall night
-the smell of bonfire in the air that always seems to come with the fall
-candles burning in the house
-laughing with girl friends until you cry
-a glass of wine with dinner

Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T10:05:00.000-05:00

‎"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." --Steve Jobs

‎"...because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

Thank you for all you did Steve.

Today, I'm inspired.

Learn

2011-10-01T21:10:00.001-05:00

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

Awkward and Awesome

2011-09-29T18:42:00.000-05:00

Awkward:
- Jokingly calling your friend your Sugar Daddy and having the old lady at the table next to you give you the stink eye. Chill lady, he's not really my sugar daddy, see look, I'm paying for my own lunch.
- All of a sudden being able/ready to take a nap at ALL TIMES. Seriously, for the past week I don't think there has been a time during the day I didn't have full confidence I could take a long meaningful nap.
- Walking by a couple who decided to have their "what is going wrong in our relationship" talk on a park bench out in the middle of everyone...it was like a train wreck, so hard to look away. Seriously people, go inside, or in your car, anywhere that innocent bystanders will not get sucked into your relationship drama.
- Watching a football game at a sports bar and having the waitress come over and say "Honey you're not watching this right?" as if there was no way I actually knew what a football looked like. Why yes mam'm I AM watching that game, if fact I was the one who asked them to put it on this channel.
-The amount of time I spent and the difficulty I had at picking the below picture of Ryan Gosling

Awesome:
-How much my group of friends is obsessed with the new Needtobreathe album. We might all run away together and travel the country soon if we aren't careful.
- Having one of your friends tell you "I need you guys, I just feel better about things when I'm with ya'll. When I don't see you for a week it's like my life starts falling apart". It was seriously the sweetest moment.
- Being a part of a group of friends that feels that way about each other.
- Having people point out how much I say "Ya'll". I didn't think my southerness came through very often, but apparently I say it A LOT.....and ya know what I like it.
- Going on a run for the first time in a couple weeks and not collapsing half way through it. I might just become a "runner" yet.
-Spotify. For a poor 20 something who is OBSESSED with music this little gem has saved my life and opened up my listening options x10923789347893
- Ryan Gosling. Right now the man is everywhere, and I could not be more ok with it. SWOOON. Also, this article about him.

Beg the book to turn the page....

2011-09-28T12:08:00.002-05:00

Can we talk for a minute about this album? Cause it is ruining my life. I am neglecting all other music, spending too much money on concert tickets, wanting to quit my job and drive around the country. Seriously it's incredible. Please immediately go and get this album. Right now. Go.

Also, could these guys be any cooler/sexy? I think not. My friend Kacie said this when she first heard this new record, "the album might as well be entitled 'We Wrote The Book On Masculinity' " haha. SO. TRUE.

Dear Men, Take Note

2011-09-27T19:41:00.001-05:00

Keep Your Eyes Open

2011-09-26T12:22:00.001-05:00

Guys. There is so much to catch up on! I hate how much moving has taken over my life. Well, if I'm honest, it's not just the moving. Life has just been craazy. But I have missed this little blog and will be back in full force this week. Here are some things you have to look forward to (for the 3 of you that actually read/care about what I write haha) My move/the new place, A Secret Needtobreathe show in Nashville(seriously the best show I have ever been to), some current thoughts about life/love/faith, awkward/awesome lists and more!

Moving On

2011-09-20T12:49:00.000-05:00

Moving Sucks....

Be Back Soon....

2011-09-15T19:23:00.000-05:00

2011-09-14T17:18:00.001-05:00

Sometimes my friends are so beautifully wonderful

So giving and kind and encouraging

That I can't do anything, but cry in gratitude

For Kristin

2011-09-06T17:07:00.001-05:00

You are not alone in this....

A Sigh Of Relief.

2011-09-04T00:58:00.003-05:00

Most of the time, I make a mess of things

I wish I had handled things differently, or said the right thing.

But I seldom do.

Usually behind me I leave a mess I don't know how to clean up.

I do things without thinking

I hurt people

I hurt myself

But in the midst of all that.

He loves me.

He cherishes me.

He forgives me.

He redeems me.

And for that I am speechless

At the end of the day I know I can sigh and collapse into his big arms.

There is relief in knowing you can't do it. That you can't do enough.

He can.

He will.

He is.

Men

2011-08-25T19:22:00.002-05:00

Can I also tell you that I am ALL about this men's hair trend. ALL ABOUT IT

Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains.

2011-08-25T16:56:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I am hopping on a plane and heading "home" and I say "home" because my parents just moved to a new city about and 1 and a half from our old home and this will be the first time I go to this new place. But they say home is where the heart is right? So I guess wherever my family is, that's home.

Anyway I am SO excited. Like woah. I get to see my parents, my grandparents, my brother, my sister in law, my nieces, my favorites Lisa, Michael, Cory, Reeves, and Taylor and my dog. Oh goodness it is going to be a week full of 5 minute hugs and laughter.

Things is Nashville are great but a little time away is going to be oh so good for my soul.

2011-08-23T18:23:00.000-05:00

i, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

anais nin

Yep

(via Meg)

Hippie Hair

2011-08-22T12:45:00.001-05:00

Ya'll, this stuff is CHANGING MY LIFE.

Best thing since sliced bread. For real.

(I'm on day 2 of not washing my hair...gross or awesome? I choose awesome)

Run Run Run

2011-08-17T09:46:00.002-05:00

I completed Week 1 of Couch to 5K. By day 3 I wasn't completely dreading the run. I was actually looking a little forward to it (but just a little). It was an escape and by the end of each run I felt great. This week the running segments get longer. I feel the hate of running slowly fading away.

2011-08-13T10:56:00.002-05:00

Yes, I realize this photo is completely fake, but still, every time I look at it I get chills and have a mini panic attack. Can you imagine.

{ }

2011-08-13T09:48:00.002-05:00

It's an incredibly good and a sometimes painful thing when God places people in your life who challenge you to be a better you. To be more like who God created you to be, who He longs for you to be.

Sometimes they are fully aware of the challenge they are giving you. When they see something in you, or an action you take and they call you out on it. Or they make you think about something in a way you've never thought about it before. Or they just remind you something you once knew, once held close that you somehow let slip.

Sometimes they have no idea the impact they are having on you. Just being around them makes you want to be better. To live better. To be who you are supposed to be. It may be an innocent comment or action that catches you off guard and makes you think and reexamine parts of your life.

And all of a sudden things start to come into focus again. You see that sin or attitude that you have been trying so hard to ignore, or that passion you once had comes flooding to the surface, or you realize why you do some of the things you do, or a teaching or scripture you once held dear is brought back into your life with just as much power as it had before. And it's beautiful. Even in the painful moments of seeing things in yourself you wish you didn't see, it's beautiful, because you are becoming more beautiful. You see this person for the complete blessing they are.

And you're thankful. So very thankful

God Help Me

2011-08-09T12:14:00.003-05:00

So, this morning I decided to do the Couch to 5k training program. Sigh...

I have never loved running. Actually if you ask my friends they would tell you that I have proclaimed often how much I hate just running. So why on earth have I decided to get to the point where I can run a 5k? I have no idea.

I guess that's not true at all. I do know. Running is great for you, all of you. Mind and body. It helps you lose weight, get in shape, it's great for your heart, the benefits are endless (well they probably end, but it makes me feel better about my decision to start this dreadful journey if I say they are endless, ok?)

Nobody likes running at first, right? You have to build up to it. And that is exactly what this Couch to 5k program does. It doesn't want you to push yourself so hard at first that you despise running and quit. It's little by little. Run for 60 seconds, walk for 90. rise and repeat.

How am I going to stay motivated? Well I am going to blog about it once a week telling my progress for that week, how i'm feeling etc. I am also going to put stupid cheesy motivational sayings in random places where I will see them and feel guilty about sitting on my butt (yes, guilting myself is a completely acceptable way to stay motivated.) and lastly I am going to get on of my friends (who is a freak and loves to run) to text, call, yell etc at me to make sure I have done my running for the week. And he will, I know he will, and I will get mad at him for it and it will be a great idea for our friendship. And EVENTUALLY (when I am not gasping for air, and barely lifting my feet by the end of the run) I will get a running partner.

This is my plan.

Stay tuned.

And pray for me

2011-08-06T10:12:00.004-05:00

Relationships are hard. Really really hard. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, a romantic relationship or family. It's hard and it's messy and people get hurt and things go wrong and lines get blurred.

It's inevitable.

If these things don't happen in your friendships at least at some point, you're probably not as close as you might think you are.

Because people are messy and stupid and if you really dive into a relationship you're going to see people's mess, the things about them that drive you crazy and you don't like.

It's in those moments where you have to make the decision to either stick with it, fight for it, or run and give up.

The fighting, the wading through the mess, the hurt, the mending, the decision to stay, that's the beautiful part.

That is what makes the laughter, the seeing the good, the love so much better, it makes it real.

There will come a day when relationships aren't hard, where things will be as they were intended to be, and as beautiful as never giving up on relationships is, it also makes me long for what will one day be. Where there are no walls, no past, no games, no shame or fear. Just pure love.

"As far as relationships and people go, I'll take real and messy over fake and pretty every day of the week"

"A perfect relationship isn't actually ever perfect, it's just one where both people never give up"

I Know Better

2011-08-04T10:03:00.003-05:00

In the words of the singer Meiko:

I know better than to be friends with boys ~~with girlfriends~~

Puppy Love

2011-08-01T17:36:00.000-05:00

Good Lord, that's cute

2011-07-29T14:30:00.002-05:00

This is probably going to be my next hair venture, once fall rolls around. It's kinda rock 'n' roll and I could use a little more rock and roll in my life.

Christina Perri is absolutely gorgeous and has a killer voice. I might listen to this song on repeat for the rest of the day

Every mile a memory

2011-07-28T13:01:00.004-05:00

Last night I went riding with a friend so we could enjoy Eric Church's new album in car speakers. Cause there is just nothing like listening to an album in the car.

Windows down, sonic drink in hand, surrounded by the music and the wind.

There was one song that I loved, mainly because of this one line, "funny how a melody sounds like a memory".

I love that.

A song can send you to another place and time, when you were someone else, when life meant something else. It can bring back memories of heart break, of love, of friendship, of careless high school nights.

Now, that album will always remind me of a summer night in 2011 riding around with a friend and laughing till I can't breathe.

The power of music is magical.

2011-07-22T13:32:00.001-05:00

2011-07-22T13:29:00.002-05:00

Don't give up on me...

I will be back

Until then, enjoy this:

I Can't Make You Love Me

2011-07-11T19:03:00.001-05:00

Goosebumps. Tight chest. Misty Eyes.

Every.Single.Time.

What I Really Want:

2011-07-06T18:11:00.003-05:00

is to have dinner on the deck every night with friends

to drink wine and eat delicious food until the sun goes down and the stars come out

to go on long walks in the summer evenings, talking about nothing in particular or not talking at all

to eat ice cream

to laugh until you cry and your stomach hurts

to dance in the living room, in the kitchen, in the yard, to just dance

to sit in the quiet and listen to our favorite records on vinyl until we all fall asleep for a few hours

to wake up and drink coffee in the cool of the morning as we watch the sunrise

to drift back to sleep for a few hours

to say goodbye as we go about our days knowing the separation won't be long

and repeat

to do that with the ones I love would be the most perfect thing I could think of

2011-07-06T17:41:00.001-05:00

cherish your solitude. take trains by yourself
to places you have never been. sleep out alone
under the stars. learn how to drive a stick shift.
go so far away that you stop being afraid of not
coming back. say no when you don't want to do
something. say yes if your instincts are strong, even
if everyone around you disagrees. decide whether
you want to be liked or admired. decide if fitting in
is more important than finding out what you're doing here.
believe in kissing.

even ensler

2011-07-05T17:45:00.002-05:00

It's funny how an afternoon with someone

you once longed to have as a part of your life,

doesn't always bring that longing back, but instead,

can make you realize how much you absolutely adore

the people you never expected to play such leading roles.

Hair

2011-07-02T11:31:00.002-05:00

Thinking about cutting my hair. It's getting out of control, and I'm just ready for a change. What do you guys think??

That was the last day of June...

2011-07-01T15:22:00.000-05:00

Happy First of July

U2

2011-06-30T17:02:00.003-05:00

So this Saturday I am going to see U2. My friend Steve had a last minute extra ticket and I just couldn't see how I could pass up the opportunity. I've never been a huge fan of U2 (not that I don't like them, I just never got really into them for whatever reason) but I have no doubt that this show will be something to remember. Steve has been making me "pre game" this week. Letting me borrow the latest album to have on repeat until the show, watching a dvd, the works. I'm pretty excited about it. I'll let you know how it is.

2011-06-26T10:48:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure why I am so fond of this trend. But I am. I guess it just makes things seem kind of magical.

How He Loves:A Story

2011-06-23T17:46:00.000-05:00

I cry every time I watch this. It's hard for me to truly comprehend that kind of love. What a powerful beautiful story

2011-06-23T10:39:00.002-05:00

Gah
I am just so dang happy lately.

It's summer for one thing.

My roommates are amazing and our house is always full of so much laughter. This makes all the difference in the world. Coming home to a place where you know fun awaits you.

Keeping in touch and a part of my friends from college and high school makes my heart so happy. There is no one in the world that knows me like those people.

New friends who bring out the best in me. Who make me laugh till i cry, who I can completely be myself with. It just amazes me how much joy relationships bring. It makes up for a multitude of hardships.

Leading my small group just keeps getting better. What a blessing it is to be a part of such community and watch us grow together each week.

No, I don't think my job is awesome, but it's comfortable and I really do like so many of the people there. I'm to the point that when I leave I think I will actually be a little sad about it. I'll miss those friendships, and that my friends is a big deal.

I'm eating better, actually attempting to do a %60 raw food diet (last month I ran out of money so I had to stray for a couple weeks but today I am getting back on the horse) I feel great, I'm sleeping great, I have energy, my face is clearing up. Who knows how much this is related to this new eating habit, but I KNOW it can't be doing anything but good.

I could go on and on and on. But the moral of the story is I am HAPPY HAPPY and so incredibly blessed beyond belief.

Closure

2011-06-19T13:21:00.002-05:00

All those feelings.

(sigh of relief)

2011-06-19T02:25:00.003-05:00

Two things I'm going to work on:

1. No longer complaining or gossiping about anyone.

It just makes you look petty.

2. Arguing for no reason. If I have a different

opinion I don't ALWAYS have to voice it,

especially if it's about something that doesn't matter.

Save my passion for something that does.

Just Got Paid

2011-06-18T11:15:00.001-05:00

Also, I got my paycheck yesterday, which means I can actually eat again

( because last month I chose clothes over food. Oops )

(Seriously, they were ridiculous.)

Beat IT! Flash Mob Style

2011-06-18T10:03:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a BIG day for me. A BIIIGGG day. Like Clifford the Big Red Dog big (seriously, how did that dog get so big? And why was no one TERRIFIED of him??) I did something yesterday that has needed to be done for months. If I'm being really honest, it needed to be done for years. Words were finally said, apologies made, closure. Slightly painful, yet completely necessary closure. And today I feel like I can breathe again.

THEN last night I got to check something off my bucket list. Something I have been wanting to do for YEARS, but never thought I would get the chance or have the courage to do. I was part of a flash mob. Yup. A flash mob. And it was the coolest thing I have ever done. Trent Dabbs (Nashville singer songwriter and founder of Ten Out of Tenn) decided for his birthday he wanted a flash mob. So that is exactly what he did. His wife sent out a fb event and news spread. I heard about it 2 days before the actual flash mob, but luckily I already semi knew the dance. They were doing Michael Jackson's Beat It and being the nerd I am I had already taken it upon myself to learn said dance. So I pulled up the tutorial video and practiced my little heart out.

Last night they had one final rehearsal with everyone, after an hour of trying to find the stupid building and almost giving up and going home (I probably would have cried if I had missed out on this) I finally found it, ran inside and danced little heart out.

Then it was time to head downtown. We all kind of trickled out and started walking in small groups (trying not to be suspicious). Once we got down town we positioned ourselves and tried to blend in as much as possible. There were 3 news stations there so they started to draw a crowd. People were asking us "what's going on?". One guy in the group answered "I think they are filming a movie down here or something" brilliant. Of course word had gotten around so people who knew about it were showing up and waiting for the show.

When 7 pm cop cars took their positions to block traffic, the music started and Trent walked to the middle of the street. He did some Michael Jackson moves and then the first round of people joined him. After round 1 the rest of us exploded from the crowd to join them. Guys, it. was. awesome! I couldn't believe I was doing it. I was dancing on downtown on Broadway on a friday night in Nashville, Tn. It was the most fun I have had in a long time.

I definitely wasn't perfect in my execution. I messed up at the end (of course the camera caught it, but hey so did Andy Davis and Trent Dabbs, so I feel better about it) and I was so nervous I didn't have as much swagger(ha) as I had while rehearsing. But none of that matters because I did it. I got over my fears and danced with about 100 people I had never met in the middle of the street. I can cross that off and forever say I have been a part of a flash mob. AHH! Ok here is a link to an article about it that also has the news video and then a video from a person watching. It's not the best quality, but it's the one I'm in so it will have to do. I'm in a blue and grey striped shirt with shorts and moccasins 0n. I walk right in front of the camera at the beginning then I am towards the back the rest of the time. So without further ado, here is my 1:30 of fame.

http://www.newschannel5.com/story/14932695/flash-mob-takes-over-downtown-nashville-street

2011-06-14T14:52:00.003-05:00

They sang this at church this last sunday and I haven't been able to stop listening to it.

Chasing Your Dreams

2011-06-10T10:06:00.003-05:00

So run.

Some New THings

2011-06-08T17:18:00.003-05:00

So I have a couple things to report.

1. My friend Kacie moved in yesterday. She is here for the summer doing an internship and we just so happened to have an extra room for her to take over, and I could not be more excited. Kacie has been one of those friends that you meet and just instantly know you want to be a part of their life. We are so similar. She is a musician (and a dang good one at that)and incredibly artsy and "hipster" and I love her to death. She shares my love for music and all things "artistic" and maybe a little off beat. I could go on and on. But I can tell you one thing, if last night is any indication of how the summer is going to go, it's going to be one full of lots of laughter. Which brings me to my next subject.

2. Justin Bieber. I watched the Bieber movie last night. And I fell in love. My Bieber Fever rose so high and I can't get it to come down. It was inspirational, fun and ridiculous (seriously, I have never seen so many middle school girls screaming and crying over nothing before). I got sucked in and there is no looking back. I had to make myself NOT watch it again today. But, my friends, I am not alone. My living room was FULL last night with other devoted Bieber fans. New and veteran. Kacie knew EVERY word to every single song on that movie. I think the girl has watched it like 50 times. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the night:

"Man, Usher is HOTT"- Kacie Willams

Tiff-"I want to take Emmery to one of his shows"
Me- "Isn't she like 4?"
Tiff- "Yes"
Me- "You just want an excuse to go to his show."
Tiff- "So"
MAtt- "I'd go by myself, I'm not scared"

"We can leave after Never Say Never. I have needs" -Kacie Williams

haha oh man. I never thought this day would come. But as the Biebster says, "Never Say Never".

I'm a Bieliber.

2011-06-06T22:12:00.002-05:00

ASS. FACE.

(sorry mom.)

Don't You Forget About Me

2011-06-04T10:22:00.003-05:00

I LOVE 80's movies. Like, I could watch them all day kind of love. I don't know what it is about them that captures my heart but they do. Some of my favorite songs come from 80s movies. So in honor of these gems, here are a few of my favorite moments, songs and characters from these beloved classics:

Don't you forget about me

I've Had The Time of My Life

Sixteen Candles

Dirty Dancing

Pretty In Pink

The Breakfast Club

Footloose (I can't believe I forgot this one, Thanks Sara for reminding me!)

What's your favorite 80's movie?

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-06-02T12:59:00.003-05:00

We went to North Carolina this weekend. It was absolutely perfect. Pictures say it better, so here ya go.

This was a painting on a wall, Liz captured this perfectly. It reminded us of Roger Rabbit

Taking a walk around the lake

Ashville, NC has some interesting characters

Dancin in the Street

Mad that no one will dance in the street with her

Group pic!

Such a fun relaxing weekend.

A weekend away and some things I love

2011-05-28T09:53:00.003-05:00

Today I am headed to North Carolina with a group of friends for the long weekend. My beautiful friend Kenlyn offered her families home to us as a little getaway. It is right by a lake and there is so many fun things to do (canoes, hiking, fun towns near by) and it is in the mountains and it's GORGEOUS, at least from the picture she texted us yesterday from her front porch. I cannot wait for a few days of relaxing, eating and above all laughing a lot with dear friends. I'll share pics when I get back. Until then, here are some things that made my Saturday morning a little better:

It's crazy how they have grown up with my generation, I cannot believe how young they were at the beginning.

Oh my goodness I love this bed. What a magical place to escape to at the end of the day.

Awkward and Awesome

2011-05-26T13:07:00.002-05:00

Awkward:

- passing out multiple times after getting a little blood drawn

- the conversation with my mom after the passing out incident, it went something like this I believe me: "sooo...uhhhh...I.........I'm gonna go lay down in my back seat......" mom: "tell me how the appointment went" me:" uhhhh....I'm just gonna lay here for a minute...k...." mom: "um..ok.." apparently even after I made it to my car I wasn't all there.

- The little dance you see everyone doing every time they step outside just to dodge the thousands of cicadas that swarm them

- the small talk you have to make with the repair guy

- not knowing your roommate is home and belting out some embarrassing song upstairs only to come dancing downstairs to discover she actually IS home.

- declaring that Tim McGraw is one good looking man and having everyone look at you like your crazy..really? Have you looked at the man?

AWESOME:

- FINALLY getting our air conditioner fixed and the repair guy becoming my FAVORITE person ever

- watching my coworker on the Bachelorette. (he didn't make it past the first week, but still.) Also, not having my coworker be the guy in the mask or the guy who passed out drunk. WIN

- Watching the American Idol finale and my roommate actually TEARING up.

- Seeing the Harry Potter trailer more and more because the release date is getting CLOSER and CLOSER

- Tim McGraw still being a sexy sexy man

- My mom, if you could only see the text messages that woman sends me sometimes. Man she makes me laugh

We got a fainter

2011-05-25T15:15:00.002-05:00

Sometimes (everytime) when I give blood, I pass out

It's super fun

8 Weeks

2011-05-23T17:33:00.003-05:00

So a little update on how my 3 goals for fitness worked out.

I only worked out 3 times last week (it was a rough week and honestly I just couldn't drag myself to the gym as much as I wanted)

I did go to bed earlier and get up earlier. Not before 11 or by 8:30. But it was better

I didn't stretch. Not once. Opps!

I am going to try to keep improving on these things this week too. Hopefully I will just keep getting better and better

So I Wish I Could Dance

2011-05-21T10:46:00.002-05:00

I just realized today that this is only 5 days away! 5 DAYS!

Whoop

Honey Bee

2011-05-19T19:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZjosn2u1gA

Yup. 3 videos in a row. Get over it.

I used to REALLY dislike this song. Then it started growing on me (I'm in my summer country music phase at the moment), then i knew every word, THEN I saw this video. And I smiled the whole time. Seriously, how cute is that.

Very.

Video Fever

2011-05-18T17:14:00.003-05:00

I almost hate to post two videos back to back, but then again I don't. Cause I love music, and this is awesome. Karmin covering Lady Antebellum's song "Just a Kiss".

Amen

2011-05-18T15:35:00.001-05:00

Zombie Survival Guide

2011-05-17T18:22:00.003-05:00

I sit at my desk at work, with the heater on, because May has decided it would rather be March for awhile, drinking a bad cup of coffee and coming to the realization that I have turned into a zombie. The walking dead.

I feel dead. OR at least the me I used to know is dead. I have to force smiles and conversation. I'm tired and unhappy. This terrifies me. Because I know I have so so so much to be happy about. Yet I can't seem to shake this overwhelming heaviness. I feel like I've lost myself. Like I'm wandering in a dark forest tripping over branches and rocks. I know I need to do something different but every path I look down looks as terrifying and unknown as the one I'm on now.

But I still know I must choose one. Because it has to be better than this drained lifeless existence I am currently trying to live through. It has to be.

Yes. It's definitely time for a change.

2011-05-14T12:53:00.002-05:00

A lot of bloggers are doing this 8 Weeks To A Better Me challange that Danielle from Something Sweet started a couple weeks ago. This week was about fitness. You just make 3 tangible goals for yourself to accomplish that week. I am a week behind but I'm gonna do it anyway. So my 3 fitness goals for myself this week:

1. wake up by 8:30 and get to bed by 11. Since I don't work during the day I have the tendency to stay up past midnight and sleep till around 10. I wake up feeling tired and have already wasted a lot of my day by the time I actually get going. So this week I am going to try to be better about that so I can start my day off with a work out.

2. Work out in the mornings before work instead of trying to fit it in after work and also working out 5 days and target a different zone on the weights each time. I am nervous about using some of the weight machines that target different areas so I tend to stick with the same 4 or 5 that target the same muscles each time. I want to mix it up and start challenging myself

3. Stretch every night. I do not stretch. Like ever. And I think it's probably really important. So I want to end my day by getting myself flexible and my muscles long and healthy.

So there are my 3 fitness goals for this week. I'll let you know how it went!!

My Momma

2011-05-10T11:01:00.005-05:00

I know Mother's Day was a couple days ago, but guess what? I don't need a special day to talk about my Momma. Cause she is pretty awesome all the time.

She's beautiful, and kind, and funny, and an incredible Christian woman, and she is also my best friend.

I can always call her and know she will hear me out. Sure, sometimes she doesn't respond how I want but I know at the end of the day I have her support. I know how rare this is. And realize how incredibly blessed I am to have a mom who has transitioned from "Mom" to "friend".

I have so many great memories of growing up, here are some of my favorites:

Every night me and my brother would gather on the couch and my mom would read a section of a book. I remember it being on of my favorite times of the night, and I am sure this is the reason why I still love reading so much.

She also had a whole medley of songs she would sing to each of us every night. I loved the sound of my moms voice. It was instantly calming. I had a hard time sleeping growing up (lets be honest, I still do.) but for those few minutes I was completely calm and safe.

As I got older we started going to concerts together. And to this day we basically have the same music taste. She also is one of the few people who finds me funny. We laugh a lot.

I just can't believe I have been blessed with such an incredible beautiful mother. She challenges me, prays for me, supports me, encourages me and believes in me. Without her and my dad I would not have had the experiences I have, or the ability to chase my dreams. There is no way to adequately thank her.

But thank you mom. Thank for all you have done for me. For being my friend. I love you.

It really is the little things...

2011-05-09T18:03:00.002-05:00

I found these on a tumblr called Just The Little Things. I LOVE it. These are just a few of the ones I loved. Seriously, take a few minutes and read through all of them. You'll smile, I promise.

This doesn't happen as often as I would hope :)

I miss this. SO much

If you only knew my dad, you would understand my love for this

It's been too long since I've had this feeling

For me, it's when they say it correctly, or when they don't try to call me Ke$ha. It's not funny anymore

I always feel like a ninja

I find out I'm not as funny or clever as I thought I was

2011-05-06T22:59:00.003-05:00

Is it possible to miss what could have been?

(Family, I apologize. Don't roll your eyes too hard)

Myers Briggs

2011-05-05T17:17:00.003-05:00

Have you ever heard of/taken the Myers Briggs Personality test? My friend/college roommate Jill was pretty much obsessed with it in college and so we all took it to see what our personality types were. It was so interesting and somewhat creepy how accurate it could be. I couldn't remember what my letters were and hadn't really thought about it since school until about 2 days ago. So I went online and took the test again. I took it twice and got 2 different results (well only one letter was different because I am such a mixture of an extrovert and introvert, the other letters were consistent.) If you combine pieces of the two explanations it really does describe me to a T. If you know me I think you will be able to know which parts of each explanation describe me, but if you don't know me I'll just give you a little hint. I am not debbie downer, I'm not depressed or tapped in to the dark side, I am also not crazy outgoing or easily talked into doing silly things. I won't get up in front of a crowd and try anything.

Anyway, I love this test and think you should all take it and then tell me what your letters are!!

here is the link to the test I took. http://similarminds.com/jung.html

Here are my results:

I am a INFP or ENFP

here are the descriptions for both:

ENFP:

outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, loves crowds, rule breaker, prone to losing things, seductive, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, dangerous, loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

Favored Careers:

performer, actor, entertainer, songwriter, musician, filmmaker, comedian, radio broadcaster/dj, some job related to theater/drama, poet, music journalist, work in fashion industry, singer, movie producer, playwright, bartender, comic book author, work in television, dancer, artist, record store owner, model, freelance artist, teacher (art, drama, music), writer, painter, massage therapist, costume designer, choreographer, make up artist

INFP:

creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

Favored Careers:
poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the performing arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, environmentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker

2011-05-05T16:08:00.002-05:00

Hello,

I need about $500 or so I can make a dent in the list of music I NEED to buy. Yes, NEED. That or I might have to take out a small loan.

2011-05-04T19:18:00.001-05:00

Hillsong College - "Opener 2011" from Hillsong College on Vimeo.

Oh my. This is beautiful. I could watch it again and again and again. Everyday. And I just might.

Do You See What I See

2011-04-27T17:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes my heart hurts.

Literally.

It hurts for my friends who seem to be loosing control.

It hurts for my friends who don't see the person they truly are, or could be if they got themselves out of this cycle they are caught in.

When they decide not to change the things they see in themselves that they don't like.

It hurts me.

It hurts to sit back and watch it happen. To look in their eyes and see this incredible man or woman they can be. I see it. I believe it, but they don't.

I want to put their face between my hands and tell them all these things until they believe it. Until the darkness they have plunged themselves in is pulled back.

I want to see the tears fill their eyes as they realize they've been doing this all wrong. That there is more. That they deserve more.

That they are loved more than they know and that they don't have to keep putting on this show. They can stop. And just be. Just breathe.

Today. My heart hurts. For them.

Because I know they are hurting. More than they let show.

Water For Elephants: A review

2011-04-26T17:37:00.002-05:00

This weekend I saw Water For Elephants. I had read the book about a month ago and finished it in 2 days. It was good. It drew me in and I escaped to the circus life every time I picked it up. That is my favorite kind of book. The ones that instantly transport you somewhere else, with other people who you have come to love.

Anyway, I loved the book and was anxious to see the movie. I knew it would be different, I prepared myself for that. There is no way they could have taken all that was in the book and put it on the big screen and keep it a reasonable length. So I settled in with two of my friends who had not read the book and prepared to be transported once again to another world. One I had read about before but this time Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon would be there. And that was all right by me.

It was great. Yes, they breezed past the beginning too quickly for my taste, and you could not nearly get the depth of the story as in the book (again, I knew this is how it would be). But they did so well with it. Robert and Reese were breath taking and played the parts perfectly. I enjoyed almost every minute of it. (It was hard to "enjoy" the parts with the animal cruelty in them, even though they were necessary, I cringed and found my fists clenched when it was over). I was sad to see it end. It was like one more goodbye to the characters I had known and loved, and hated.

My friends who hadn't read the book absolutely loved it too, so it's good to know it goes both ways, whether you've read the book or not, you should see this movie. It's great.

Good Friday.

2011-04-22T16:16:00.001-05:00

On Friday there was a sunrise too; it rose over chaos and confusion. And heaven began counting to three.

Today. I am speechless at the love showed for me.

Come out

2011-04-21T16:38:00.002-05:00

This song.

May have made tears fill my eyes at work today.

Sometimes it's really hard to see other people in love.

(p.s. this girl, killing this song..ya that's my friend Kacie. She's pretty bomb and is moving to Nash for the summer and lord am I excited.)

2011-04-20T17:40:00.002-05:00

Love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. -grey's anatomy

Some wisdom from Grey's Anatomy. Because too often we long after the people who could care less about us. I mean, they like us, they don't mind if we are around, in fact, they may enjoy it now and then, but they don't long for it. Their life isn't affected in any way if we aren't around ever. They don't really know much about us because they don't listen, or even ask. We are the convenient friend. And we push aside all the people in our lives who LOVE us. Who want us around, who ask and listen and remember and care truly truly care. And we hurt them, and if we aren't careful, we'll lose them. And we will regret it.

So just stop it. Stop chasing after the people who don't truly love you as you are right now. Every part of you. Every quirk and fault and beautiful thing about you. Because you deserve more. Love yourself enough to be loved. Because really, that is the most attractive, drawing quality a person can have.

Things I Love

2011-04-16T09:59:00.002-05:00

Just a few things I love:

This record player. I want one so bad. There is just something about the way vinyl sounds that cannot be matched.

Boys who play the harmonica. Seriously. It may be strange but it may be my favorite thing.

This: truth.

Sometimes I need some reminders:

These leather tights. Yes. I want leather tights.

This hilarious Google image.

2011-04-12T17:12:00.001-05:00

"I saw them standing there pretending to be just friends, when all the time in the world could not pry them apart."

— Brian Andreas

2011-04-12T13:38:00.002-05:00

Claimed my blog on bloglovin'

Follow me there if you have it too!!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

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2011-04-09T10:02:00.003-05:00

I'm stubborn.
For those of you who REALLY know me, this is no surprise to you (my family knows this ALL to well).
I don't like it about myself . I hate it actually, but in the moment I just can't seem to help digging my heels in. Even when in my heart I believe the complete opposite of how I am reacting.

I bring this up for a reason, and it also has to do with my last post. See, I was in the running for a job. A really good job that sounded perfect. A job with normal working hours and a job that got me back into my passion (music). I made it to the final 2 and really really felt like I was going to be the one who got that phone call that would change my life, the phone call I have been waiting to get since I graduated last May. But, I didn't. Instead I got that dreaded e-mail simply telling me they had decided to offer the position to someone else. Kind of like a Dear John letter. Rejection. Painful rejection.

Not only was it rejection (which I don't care how "strong" you are or what the circumstances are, always hurts), but it was my dream seeming to be slipping away, it was realizing I was still stuck in a job I felt was sucking the life out of me, it was all those past feelings of rejection that had NOTHING to do with this job rushing back to surface. It was all the conversations I pictured having telling my friends and family I had a job I was proud of, that I finally made it, shifting to conversations of explaining, "No I still just work part-time as a receptionist", "I didn't get the job" etc.. Even though it was just one job, and just one rejection, it seemed so much bigger to me. It WAS so much bigger to me.

So after some tears (ok, lots of tears) came the processing. The Spirit whispers of "are you going to choose to not only trust me, but to wait on me?" The knowing that this was not the end, that God had not dropped me, that he was STILL not going to let me drown. The realization that if I truly looked at it, I'm not completely sure I even want to work in the Christian music industry. The honest, angry talks with God.

In the midst of all that came lots of conversations with close friends that knew about the situation and my family. In those conversations, that stubbornness shone through like a champ. I was angry, I didn't want to hear their encouraging or Godly words, it wasn't ok, and everything sucked. Even if right before the conversation I felt at peace, I knew truth, as soon as someone else tried to tell it to me I fought it. They were wrong! There were NO other jobs out there. This was the ONLY one (a side effect of stubbornness is a loss of grip on reality and a strong surge of drama queen). I was short and rude and completely not the woman of God I hoped I was. I didn't want everything to be ok. I wanted to be angry and feel hopeless (seriously, who does that?).

So instead of responding to this situation a confident woman of God who does not doubt the love and plan of her Father and is thankful for all of the blessings she has, I threw a fit. I dug my heels in and didn't let those around me see the peace and hope He longs to give to us.

Well, today I am changing that. If you were one of those people who saw that less than flattering side of me, I apologize. Today I choose to be thankful.

Thankful for a job that allows me to write this blog while at work, and read countless books. A job that pays VERY well for what I am required to do and has people there that I truly enjoy.

Thankful for friends who bless my life daily. Who challenge me and speak truth into my life.

Thankful to live in a city where I am surrounded by a culture of music. It's everywhere, I can't escape it and it couldn't make me happier.

And thankful for parents who support me, in every possible way. With out them, there is no way I could be in this place, chasing the dream I believe God has placed in my heart. There will never be an adequate way to thank them for all they have done for me.

Even though it still hurts and it still sucks, I choose to believe truth, to act on that truth and to live fully and thankfully in this moment.

2011-04-07T17:51:00.002-05:00

Seriously, all I can do right now is keep breathing.

More on why to come when I can look at the screen without my eyes filling with tears..